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its my anniversary...
2 hours ago
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The Human Spirit
Today my husband called and warned me not to look at a local newspaper's front page coverage of the devastation in Haiti. It seems the goodly folk at decided to emblazon their front page with a photograph of a Haitian man being dragged through the streets there being beaten (to death it seems) by some angry men.
I was speechless for a while. Sickened, then angry.
I understand that the situation in Haiti is desperate. It has been wrenching my heart since I first heard about it.
To the newspapers and their boards - you don't need to graphically portray the worst of it in order to get me to buy your newspaper.
That is a human being. A life being snuffed out. Through desperation and despair that I hope I never have to experience. He deserves better than to be used to get today's sales up.
I appreciate that journalism is about documenting the facts, even if those facts are distasteful. However, how you choose to share these facts with the public is the difference between a salacious rag, and a reputable institution.
I consider CNN to be a reputable institution, and I have followed some of their stories on the developments in Haiti. CNN's photo coverage comes complete with an interactive warning over the more potentially disturbing photographs, which the reader can click away to reveal the image, if they so choose.
Thank you CNN (and others) for respecting that I am one of those people that is haunted by upsetting images for years after they are thrust upon me. And to the other local newspapers that covered Haiti without the sensationalism, thank you for understanding that all journalism isn't appropriate for consumption by children, who will inevitably see your front page coverage once it gets home.
Truth be told, much of my following of Haiti's earthquake has been via social media - Twitter and blogs in particular. In addition to my regular tweeps, I've followed the RedCross, MSNBC and various CNN correspondents who've been reporting from the ground in Haiti.
I've also found other amazing people like Virginia Montanez who was so instrumental in getting the focus on the BRESMA orphanage in particular and orphanages in general in the aftermath of last Tuesday.
The human/social perspective has really helped save a lot of lives, and mobilize a lot of aid that I believe would have otherwise been less and taken a much longer time to get to Haiti.
The early descriptions and photos of the damage brought home the enormity of the situation in a very timely way, and really reached the hearts of fellow human beings.
For me, it really reinforced the belief I hold that most humans do care, and do want to do good by their fellow man. I have been so heartened by the absolute outpouring of support and donations of time and effort, in addition to more tangible donations of relief/aid.
It has been so good to hear so much news on the generosity of the human spirit, instead of the usual focus on humanity at its worst. That, in turn, has inspired more and more hope. And more help.
I shudder to think what would have happened to relief efforts if the only window into Haiti we were given was the sensational coverage that masqueraded as journalism today.
Coverage that inspires fear and horror and de-humanizes human suffering. That would have you believe that Haitians are like animals in the streets with no dignity.
Instead of fellow human beings suffering through incomprehensible tragedy, carrying themselves with a respect and dignity that we'd do well to remember on a daily basis.
the haitian spirit.
people waiting patiently for h2o under hot sun.
no armed guards. no pushing.
obvious respect for one another.
Thank you Dr Gupta for your compassion, for what you continue to do to help people in the field hospitals, and for sharing with us another perspective of Haiti.
I was speechless for a while. Sickened, then angry.
I understand that the situation in Haiti is desperate. It has been wrenching my heart since I first heard about it.
To the newspapers and their boards - you don't need to graphically portray the worst of it in order to get me to buy your newspaper.
That is a human being. A life being snuffed out. Through desperation and despair that I hope I never have to experience. He deserves better than to be used to get today's sales up.
I appreciate that journalism is about documenting the facts, even if those facts are distasteful. However, how you choose to share these facts with the public is the difference between a salacious rag, and a reputable institution.
I consider CNN to be a reputable institution, and I have followed some of their stories on the developments in Haiti. CNN's photo coverage comes complete with an interactive warning over the more potentially disturbing photographs, which the reader can click away to reveal the image, if they so choose.
Thank you CNN (and others) for respecting that I am one of those people that is haunted by upsetting images for years after they are thrust upon me. And to the other local newspapers that covered Haiti without the sensationalism, thank you for understanding that all journalism isn't appropriate for consumption by children, who will inevitably see your front page coverage once it gets home.
Truth be told, much of my following of Haiti's earthquake has been via social media - Twitter and blogs in particular. In addition to my regular tweeps, I've followed the RedCross, MSNBC and various CNN correspondents who've been reporting from the ground in Haiti.
I've also found other amazing people like Virginia Montanez who was so instrumental in getting the focus on the BRESMA orphanage in particular and orphanages in general in the aftermath of last Tuesday.
The human/social perspective has really helped save a lot of lives, and mobilize a lot of aid that I believe would have otherwise been less and taken a much longer time to get to Haiti.
The early descriptions and photos of the damage brought home the enormity of the situation in a very timely way, and really reached the hearts of fellow human beings.
For me, it really reinforced the belief I hold that most humans do care, and do want to do good by their fellow man. I have been so heartened by the absolute outpouring of support and donations of time and effort, in addition to more tangible donations of relief/aid.
It has been so good to hear so much news on the generosity of the human spirit, instead of the usual focus on humanity at its worst. That, in turn, has inspired more and more hope. And more help.
I shudder to think what would have happened to relief efforts if the only window into Haiti we were given was the sensational coverage that masqueraded as journalism today.
Coverage that inspires fear and horror and de-humanizes human suffering. That would have you believe that Haitians are like animals in the streets with no dignity.
Instead of fellow human beings suffering through incomprehensible tragedy, carrying themselves with a respect and dignity that we'd do well to remember on a daily basis.
the haitian spirit.
people waiting patiently for h2o under hot sun.
no armed guards. no pushing.
obvious respect for one another.
Update on the McMutrie girls and the BRESMA Orphanage
Ali McMutrie and the kids from the BRESMA orphanage arrived safely in Pittsburgh today. Jamie McMutrie will be leaving Port au Prince, Haiti to follow behind shortly.
For those of you who prayed, please keep praying for those left behind in Haiti. For those who donated, thank you!
It is truly amazing what Virginia Montanez has been able to get moving - with a little faith, and a lot of good will and willing hearts, mountains have been moved to bring these children to safety.
The power of Faith, my dear friends. Of believing in a cause, and uniting in support of it.
“Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.” Martin Luther King, Jr.
For those of you who prayed, please keep praying for those left behind in Haiti. For those who donated, thank you!
It is truly amazing what Virginia Montanez has been able to get moving - with a little faith, and a lot of good will and willing hearts, mountains have been moved to bring these children to safety.
The power of Faith, my dear friends. Of believing in a cause, and uniting in support of it.
“Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.” Martin Luther King, Jr.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Sundays in My City - Family Time
It's been a while since my last SIMC.
I've been busy with lots of projects, and have really neglected my regular posting
Today we took the kids on an outing
but I remembered you, and our Sundays past
and made sure to record memories for you
It's nice to be back.
Will see you next week!
For my new followers, every Sunday a group of us take a virtual trip around the world visiting each others' cities.
It's all hosted by Unknown Mami.
Feel free to visit, and to join in on the exchange.
Friday, January 15, 2010
When you Believe
I want to share with you a story about believing, and how Faith has moved legal mountains thus far. The story isn't yet at an end - in fact the fight is now on in earnest...
Bresma Orphanage sits 10 mins outside the heart of Port-au-Prince in Haiti. It's run by two American girls - one is 21 so it's fair to call them girls. And they are taking care of about 150 Haitian orphans.
Their building has been hit hard by Tuesday's earthquake and they are living in their yard.
These two sisters, as American citizens, have the option to leave Haiti on daily flights out. But they have chosen to stay behind.
They say they cannot leave their children, because they know they would be condemning them to die - no food, water, diapers... And no-one to care for them.
Some of these children are THISCLOSE to having loving homes in the U.S. and were in the stages of being adopted when the earthquake hit.
They have gotten their story out through Virginia Montanez, and they have been able to move legal mountains, particularly through the efforts of former U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan, the children have now ALL been granted Temporary Refugee Status.
There is an outpouring of donations, and help and homes, and the kids just need to get to the U.S.
That is huge.
They're now working on getting a plane for these kids to get them out of Haiti. Because there is no-one to care for them and because of their situation, they cannot leave in twos and threes.
This is where the story currently is.
People have pledged miles, jet fuel money, etc to try to contribute toward getting these kids on a plane.
The situation in Haiti, meanwhile, is getting desperate. They have sent out an urgent plea that without water the babies will die within 48 hrs.
Even if they do get water, it is becoming dangerous for them to even to possess it. Remember these girls are living in a yard. Out in the open. With children.
Even CNN reporters on the ground are hoping for higher level of security than exists now. I cannot imagine what tonight is like for Haitians on the street.
They are just two tiny voices in Haiti in the middle of devastation with no access to the internet any longer, and yet you now know their story, and massive legal hurdles have been - and are being - overcome.
Bresma Orphanage sits 10 mins outside the heart of Port-au-Prince in Haiti. It's run by two American girls - one is 21 so it's fair to call them girls. And they are taking care of about 150 Haitian orphans.
Their building has been hit hard by Tuesday's earthquake and they are living in their yard.
These two sisters, as American citizens, have the option to leave Haiti on daily flights out. But they have chosen to stay behind.
They say they cannot leave their children, because they know they would be condemning them to die - no food, water, diapers... And no-one to care for them.
Some of these children are THISCLOSE to having loving homes in the U.S. and were in the stages of being adopted when the earthquake hit.
They have gotten their story out through Virginia Montanez, and they have been able to move legal mountains, particularly through the efforts of former U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan, the children have now ALL been granted Temporary Refugee Status.
There is an outpouring of donations, and help and homes, and the kids just need to get to the U.S.
That is huge.
They're now working on getting a plane for these kids to get them out of Haiti. Because there is no-one to care for them and because of their situation, they cannot leave in twos and threes.
This is where the story currently is.
People have pledged miles, jet fuel money, etc to try to contribute toward getting these kids on a plane.
The situation in Haiti, meanwhile, is getting desperate. They have sent out an urgent plea that without water the babies will die within 48 hrs.
Even if they do get water, it is becoming dangerous for them to even to possess it. Remember these girls are living in a yard. Out in the open. With children.
Even CNN reporters on the ground are hoping for higher level of security than exists now. I cannot imagine what tonight is like for Haitians on the street.
They are just two tiny voices in Haiti in the middle of devastation with no access to the internet any longer, and yet you now know their story, and massive legal hurdles have been - and are being - overcome.
So here's what you can do:
- Pray.
- Spread the word.
- Follow Virginia's blog or follow her on Twitter.
- Email me if you are willing to help in some way
They are so close. And they have not lost Faith.
Please choose to believe.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Eyes on Haiti
Death and destruction have a way of putting things into perspective for us.
Those who have lost loved ones can tell you that everything changes. We re-evaluate what is truly important in our lives.
Small grievances between family members lose their significance.
Petty quarrels are totally forgotten.
Little things that seemed so important just minutes earlier, we simply couldn't care less about.
In these times a light shines on the truth that is within our hearts.
At times this truth has been so hidden, for so long, behind walls of anger or pride or learned indifference, that it surprises and overwhelms us when it is revealed.
We discover how much we truly do love, and how much we really do care.
Too often, we remember too late.
Today, allow that light to shine.
Remind yourself of the love that is in your heart.
Reach out in peace to those around you.
Let today be the start of a new day.
A day to acknowledge that love exists.
If there is to be Hope, there must first be Love.
_________________________________________________
TRINIDAD
DIGICEL - TXT or CALL to donate
If you are in the Caribbean or Latin America, you can send relief donations to Haitian NGOs coordinating disaster relief via Digicel. Donate via TEXT or CALL. Instructions here: http://ow.ly/WkxF
In Trinidad and Tobago txt HELP to 5151 or call 5151 from your Digi (donates TT$3 )
Donate clothing, blankets, towels, non-perishable food items and bottled water
We encourage you to give what you can.
If you are inclined to give gifts of clothing, towels, blankets, sheets etc - please ensure items are clean and in good condition.
COP (POS)
Corner of Tragrete Road and Broome Street
9am - 3pm
YMCA (POS)
Benbow Road, off Wrightson Road (opposite the power station)
UNESCO T&T (POS)
2 Scott St, St Clair
9am-2pm and 5-7pm
More info here
ITNAC (Belmont)
Hilton Hotel Trinidad, 1B Lady Young Road, Belmont (tel: Olivia Constantine at 682-6755)
ITNAC (Arima)
Global Revival Ministeries, bypass on Eastern Main Road, Arima
Many more opportunities to help, including cash donations...
Detailed list here: http://meppublishers.blogspot.com/2010/01/helping-haiti.html
INTERNATIONAL
Red Cross International Response Fund
Give to the Red Cross via Credit Card or using Amazon's payment processing system.
Yele Haiti Earthquake Fund (Wyclef Jean)
Donate to the Yele Haiti Earthquake Fund online
or text the word YELE to 501501 to donate $5 charged to your cell phone bill (within the US).
Partners in Health
Give to the Partners in Health in response to the appeal for assistance from its Port-au-Prince clinical director, Louise Ivers: "Port-au-Prince is devastated, lot of deaths. SOS. SOS... Temporary field hospital by us at UNDP needs supplies, pain meds, bandages. Please help us."
Doctors Without Borders
Give to Doctors Without Borders who are on the ground and have setup clinics to treat the injured in Haiti.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Conversations with kids
Ok, not what you think unfortunately.
I wish I could say that this post was about some cute conversation I had with one of my kids. But it's not. This conversation was a bit tougher.
I made the decision last night to tell both boys about M's situation.
I had two reasons, really. The first is because I think not knowing is causing tension between the boys. The older one will tease M until he is absolutely stressed out. And more and more I hear the same phrase when he gets to that point - "You don't KNOW ME!"
And it breaks my heart a little bit every time.
The other reason is a guy at a client's office. He's sort of a misfit. He's young, and it's his first job. But aside from that awkwardness, there's this obvious social awkwardness as well. For one thing, he doesn't seem to "get" personal space, and drifts in way too close when the conversation interests him. And he doesn't "get" hints. You have to explicitly tell him what you want him to do. And be careful what you tell him because he follows the instructions to a T. And he's sweet so everyone's still good and kind to him. But there are laughs at times. Not in a mean-spirited way, but still. At. Not with....
I don't know if he's an Aspie or not, but he could be. And that could be my son in 10 years.
So last night. I sat my boys down and explained to them as best I could. And it seemed to make sense to the
older one. Like puzzle pieces coming together. M doesn't quite get it...
But now they know. And I've asked big brother to love, protect and support M now that he knows.
I felt crappy to have to do this. I feel very unsure and very much in doubt over this whole thing. Sometimes I just have dread in the pit of my stomach. Especially when he's "sad".
I know I'm not a bad mom, but I also know I don't have this together. And I feel like I'm failing.
But when I'm really low, and I walk in and see this, it makes my heart feel a whole lot better.
Because I know they know love...
I wish I could say that this post was about some cute conversation I had with one of my kids. But it's not. This conversation was a bit tougher.
I made the decision last night to tell both boys about M's situation.
I had two reasons, really. The first is because I think not knowing is causing tension between the boys. The older one will tease M until he is absolutely stressed out. And more and more I hear the same phrase when he gets to that point - "You don't KNOW ME!"
And it breaks my heart a little bit every time.
The other reason is a guy at a client's office. He's sort of a misfit. He's young, and it's his first job. But aside from that awkwardness, there's this obvious social awkwardness as well. For one thing, he doesn't seem to "get" personal space, and drifts in way too close when the conversation interests him. And he doesn't "get" hints. You have to explicitly tell him what you want him to do. And be careful what you tell him because he follows the instructions to a T. And he's sweet so everyone's still good and kind to him. But there are laughs at times. Not in a mean-spirited way, but still. At. Not with....
I don't know if he's an Aspie or not, but he could be. And that could be my son in 10 years.
So last night. I sat my boys down and explained to them as best I could. And it seemed to make sense to the
older one. Like puzzle pieces coming together. M doesn't quite get it...
But now they know. And I've asked big brother to love, protect and support M now that he knows.
I felt crappy to have to do this. I feel very unsure and very much in doubt over this whole thing. Sometimes I just have dread in the pit of my stomach. Especially when he's "sad".
I know I'm not a bad mom, but I also know I don't have this together. And I feel like I'm failing.
But when I'm really low, and I walk in and see this, it makes my heart feel a whole lot better.
Because I know they know love...
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Random 25
Facebook peeps - remember when this was going around last year?
You had to write 25 random things about yourself and post it?
I caught sight of my old note posted in February of last year (before I discovered blogging!)
It was nice looking back, so I thought I'd share it with you.
1. I love Trinidad, but I miss the old time days.
2. I really wouldn't want to live anywhere else, but I consider migrating at least 2,3 times a month.
3. The reason I decide to stay, is the same reason I consider leaving - for my kids.
4. I worry about my kids turning teenagers and the life they will face.... and wish they could have experienced the late 80's, early 90s.
5. I totally enjoyed my late teens, early 20s. And had GREAT adventures and even better friends!
6. The friends I made in those days are still my closest friends, and I would do anything for them.
7. And I truly believe angels watched over us! (and still do).
8 I have been blessed to have made great friends before and since.
9. I am really bad about being in touch. (sorry)
10. Crowd mentality fascinates me. Why people choose to act like sheep and simply follow with no rational evaluation of their own, I just do not get. At all. At all at all at all. :-)
11. My girls and I had a term for that - collective ignorance.
12. Collective ignorance can ruin lives. I do my best to make sure I don't let that happen around me as long as I have a say. I feel morally guilty if I don't throw in a little perspective.
13. A sense of justice still defines me, but I have mellowed with age. A respected boss once told me I would, and I couldn't see how that would ever happen.
14. I don't hold grudges. I thank God for the ability to forgive.
15. I know what it is like to not know where your next meal is coming from.
16. I think I have had the most messed up childhood of anybody that I know, but I made it out fairly normal :-D, and I have made my peace with it.
17. I know the difference between Hope and Faith.
18. I thank God for allowing me the opportunities to walk in lots of different "shoes" :-) It makes me a better listener.
19. I will avoid you if you are wallowing in self-pity. I'll be there in a heartbeat if you want to figure a way out.
20. I know what depression is. Been there once, never going back. (thanks caro!)
21. I am not interested in popularity. At 16 a haircut and contacts opened my eyes to how fickle some people are. See #12.
22. I love being on the water, and I am always sad to lose my "sea legs" again.
23. I am terrified of being in open water. Have you SEEN what swims around out there???!
24. I think Trinis have creativity running through their veins, and wonder why we don't encourage the arts more.
25. I love my neighbours dearly. :-)
25.1 I knew I was going to reach 25 way too fast.
25.2 I think my husband is the most patient person I know.
25.3 He's also THE BEST cook - according to my Spongebob-obsessed sons - the best "fry-cook".
25.4 I loved MTVs Sifl and Olly, and would love to see them come back.
25.5 I do not know ANYONE else who likes Sifl and Olly.
25.6 I cannot STAND elmo and hate what sesame st has become.
25.7 I love old time sesame st, and am grateful for youtube. :-)
25.8 I can't tell a joke, but I am a great audience. :-)
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
A day in the Life...
Ok so yesterday didn't go as badly as I anticipated...
I mean, don't get me wrong, there were tears and there was a whole lotta sadness. BUT! I decided to just let them have the time to work it through and we made it to school late, but not in total breakdown state.
Oldest one confessed that he didn't like going to school anymore because his teacher, in her youth and frustration with a class of mostly boys, had taken to slapping him. Mmm hmm. You heard me right. Did the blood rush to your head? Ah good. Mine too.
I didn't show that to him though. I was calm told him I would come in and speak to the teacher and the principal together and we'd make sure that they communicate more with Mummy. So we could take care of things together. Without the hitting.
Now I'll tell you. I swat my kids from time to time. I do. But I exercise judgement that is mine to exercise. And it's never just a swat. There's always some kind of time out (for both of us) and some kind of discussion about what happened and why. And some kind of agreement going forward. And you know what, I don't need to explain this to any damn teacher. The law says don't hit my kids, so just don't stinking hit my kids. Period.
Phew.
So gave me that little news flash, and mostly so that I could calm down, we moved a little slowly yesterday morning, and they went to school on their own speed.
They did ok, and came home happy. (Apparently teacher was fun to be with today - before the frustration settles in!)
And the mail had a special surprise for them today - a set of Bakugan cards (what is with those things?) that didn't make it in time for Christmas. So all in all it was an ok day for them. Although they did ask if I might think about them transferring to a different school. We'll see. I did start inquiries. But PBD had a great point, in that we all need to learn lessons about dealing with difficult people in our lives.
I am going in to speak with the principal today. To make myself present. I am usually all smiles and fun. But don't touch my children. Seriously.
In other news. Darling Husband rescued a baby bird yesterday that fell out of a tree. It's a big baby. I'm pretty convinced it's a hawk. Gorgeous thing. He's coming along. He's very alert this morning and isn't favouring his wing like he was last night. He's also drinking water and moving around on his branch (he's in a large cage that we happen to have lying around because what the heck is it with boys and finding pets to love and keep???)
Honestly I wasn't too bothered or too involved in the whole rescue operation. I was pretty busy last night. But I was happy to see them working together and being nurturing and gentle and researching the right things to do.
And I was happy to see them wake early to sit and hand feed him this morning.
And I was happy that they are cleaning up his mess.
I was decidedly not happy to see what they rescued him in.
My good, soft, fluffy, l-a-r-g-e towels.
Seriously? The worn ones weren't good enough for the stinky pooping wild animal?
MEN!
I mean, don't get me wrong, there were tears and there was a whole lotta sadness. BUT! I decided to just let them have the time to work it through and we made it to school late, but not in total breakdown state.
Oldest one confessed that he didn't like going to school anymore because his teacher, in her youth and frustration with a class of mostly boys, had taken to slapping him. Mmm hmm. You heard me right. Did the blood rush to your head? Ah good. Mine too.
I didn't show that to him though. I was calm told him I would come in and speak to the teacher and the principal together and we'd make sure that they communicate more with Mummy. So we could take care of things together. Without the hitting.
Now I'll tell you. I swat my kids from time to time. I do. But I exercise judgement that is mine to exercise. And it's never just a swat. There's always some kind of time out (for both of us) and some kind of discussion about what happened and why. And some kind of agreement going forward. And you know what, I don't need to explain this to any damn teacher. The law says don't hit my kids, so just don't stinking hit my kids. Period.
Phew.
So gave me that little news flash, and mostly so that I could calm down, we moved a little slowly yesterday morning, and they went to school on their own speed.
They did ok, and came home happy. (Apparently teacher was fun to be with today - before the frustration settles in!)
And the mail had a special surprise for them today - a set of Bakugan cards (what is with those things?) that didn't make it in time for Christmas. So all in all it was an ok day for them. Although they did ask if I might think about them transferring to a different school. We'll see. I did start inquiries. But PBD had a great point, in that we all need to learn lessons about dealing with difficult people in our lives.
I am going in to speak with the principal today. To make myself present. I am usually all smiles and fun. But don't touch my children. Seriously.
******
In other news. Darling Husband rescued a baby bird yesterday that fell out of a tree. It's a big baby. I'm pretty convinced it's a hawk. Gorgeous thing. He's coming along. He's very alert this morning and isn't favouring his wing like he was last night. He's also drinking water and moving around on his branch (he's in a large cage that we happen to have lying around because what the heck is it with boys and finding pets to love and keep???)
Honestly I wasn't too bothered or too involved in the whole rescue operation. I was pretty busy last night. But I was happy to see them working together and being nurturing and gentle and researching the right things to do.
And I was happy to see them wake early to sit and hand feed him this morning.
And I was happy that they are cleaning up his mess.
I was decidedly not happy to see what they rescued him in.
My good, soft, fluffy, l-a-r-g-e towels.
Seriously? The worn ones weren't good enough for the stinky pooping wild animal?
MEN!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Back to School
The kids head back to a new school term tomorrow, and I head back to a brand new year of work that's full of promise. So why do I feel like this?
We've had a great holiday. I worked most days either from home or from the office. And they spent a lot of time at camp with their friends, so it's not like we were in each others' space all the time.
But I feel like I'm going to miss them terribly. And I can't sleep thinking about it. I miss them already.
I think a really big part of it is that they're not happy to go back. I can't say that I blame them - they had a blast this vacation.
But more than that, I'm wondering if the school they're at is the right one for them. My oldest has a teacher that just doesn't seem to "get" the boys in her charge. When someone in the class is too rambunctious and can't seem to calm down - she keeps the entire class in at recess or lunch. Then complains that the kids are hyper (DUH woman! Let them blow off the steam outdoors!!!)
The younger one seems to be really unhappy just being at school. He's happy being at home in his own business. I haven't been taking him to the therapist since the first few visits after he was diagnosed with Aspergers. I really like his therapist, but something just doesn't seem to fit 100%. I know I need to talk to her, but I just haven't. I don't know how receptive she'll be to the conversation I want to have with her, so I've been avoiding her.
He really doesn't want to be back at that school, but I'm not sure he really wants to be back at ANY school. I am at a loss. I truly don't know what to do for him right now. Over the past few months he's been showing even more behaviours that make him stand out from the other kids.
For one thing, he's really obviously shadowing his words when he speaks. He will say something to you, and when he's finished it's like he begins to mouth it again soundlessly. As if he's double-checking the words or something. Then he's started repeating stuff over and over like a record, which I don't remember him doing before. Not like this. He'll go monotone and just repeat the one phrase over and over again. Like - "That's funny Ha Ha. That's funny Ha Ha. That's funny Ha Ha." Or in the middle of a conversation with a visiting friend, I'll realize he's quietly come to sit behind us and repeat "'House' is on right now. 'House' is on right now. 'House' is on right now." When I snap to it and gather what he's saying and let him know, it's ok I won't be watching House right now because we have company, he mutters "Good!" and disappears.
I'm going to be starting to write again for my Aspergers blog. It's been too long abandoned, and I need to record some of these happenings.
Like this morning when I think my heart broke a little bit, when I realized why he was sometimes reluctant to go to camp with his older brother. Turns out he's now of the age to join the group of boys his brother is a part of. And they are the usual silly slapstick way that 8 and 9 yr olds are. Except my son doesn't understand why they speak the way they do, when they play and put on mock voices and accents and make up words for kicks. So he tries to correct them and tell them that's not the way the words are pronounced. And they tell him to shut up. And they ignore him and leave him out of their play time.
I realize I can't save him from every experience like this. So telling the supervisors what's happening and asking them to sensitize the boys can't be the only answer. I want to be able to teach him to understand that this is all fun and games and perfectly normal. How do I do that? What's the right way???
And what happens in his class where his brother is around to at least give me some insight into what's happening so we can talk to him and help him?
I know he's going to be fine, and others just like him work it out fine. But that doesn't make it any easier on my heart.
They'll both be going back tomorrow, but there will be more than two hearts breaking when I drive away...
We've had a great holiday. I worked most days either from home or from the office. And they spent a lot of time at camp with their friends, so it's not like we were in each others' space all the time.
But I feel like I'm going to miss them terribly. And I can't sleep thinking about it. I miss them already.
I think a really big part of it is that they're not happy to go back. I can't say that I blame them - they had a blast this vacation.
But more than that, I'm wondering if the school they're at is the right one for them. My oldest has a teacher that just doesn't seem to "get" the boys in her charge. When someone in the class is too rambunctious and can't seem to calm down - she keeps the entire class in at recess or lunch. Then complains that the kids are hyper (DUH woman! Let them blow off the steam outdoors!!!)
The younger one seems to be really unhappy just being at school. He's happy being at home in his own business. I haven't been taking him to the therapist since the first few visits after he was diagnosed with Aspergers. I really like his therapist, but something just doesn't seem to fit 100%. I know I need to talk to her, but I just haven't. I don't know how receptive she'll be to the conversation I want to have with her, so I've been avoiding her.
He really doesn't want to be back at that school, but I'm not sure he really wants to be back at ANY school. I am at a loss. I truly don't know what to do for him right now. Over the past few months he's been showing even more behaviours that make him stand out from the other kids.
For one thing, he's really obviously shadowing his words when he speaks. He will say something to you, and when he's finished it's like he begins to mouth it again soundlessly. As if he's double-checking the words or something. Then he's started repeating stuff over and over like a record, which I don't remember him doing before. Not like this. He'll go monotone and just repeat the one phrase over and over again. Like - "That's funny Ha Ha. That's funny Ha Ha. That's funny Ha Ha." Or in the middle of a conversation with a visiting friend, I'll realize he's quietly come to sit behind us and repeat "'House' is on right now. 'House' is on right now. 'House' is on right now." When I snap to it and gather what he's saying and let him know, it's ok I won't be watching House right now because we have company, he mutters "Good!" and disappears.
I'm going to be starting to write again for my Aspergers blog. It's been too long abandoned, and I need to record some of these happenings.
Like this morning when I think my heart broke a little bit, when I realized why he was sometimes reluctant to go to camp with his older brother. Turns out he's now of the age to join the group of boys his brother is a part of. And they are the usual silly slapstick way that 8 and 9 yr olds are. Except my son doesn't understand why they speak the way they do, when they play and put on mock voices and accents and make up words for kicks. So he tries to correct them and tell them that's not the way the words are pronounced. And they tell him to shut up. And they ignore him and leave him out of their play time.
I realize I can't save him from every experience like this. So telling the supervisors what's happening and asking them to sensitize the boys can't be the only answer. I want to be able to teach him to understand that this is all fun and games and perfectly normal. How do I do that? What's the right way???
And what happens in his class where his brother is around to at least give me some insight into what's happening so we can talk to him and help him?
I know he's going to be fine, and others just like him work it out fine. But that doesn't make it any easier on my heart.
They'll both be going back tomorrow, but there will be more than two hearts breaking when I drive away...
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Through the looking glass...
We keep in touch via Facebook and Skype and email. Thank God for the wonders of technology! We've been able to video conference and see pregnant bellies and new babies, and have long talks about... girl stuff! Anything and everything really!
Anyway, this one time she mentioned to me how everyone else really seemed to have it together. At least they look like they have it all together judging by their Facebook pictures. This supermom - who juggles studying law full-time, working part-time and mothering full-time - she was looking at our friends' lives through the lens of Facebook and judging herself by it!
I definitely took the time to clear up that misconception for her! To let her know that what we put out there are the memories we CHOOSE to remember! Or to laugh at! These are the photos that make it into frames and scrapbooks. It's just that, in this Information Age, those scrapbooks have become a lot more public than they used to be.
The fact is, it's usually much easier for us to share this ("Teamwork!") with our friends
than this (a photo I lovingly call "Toga Kick")
And quite frankly, the mischief that gets caught on camera is usually quite accidental. Funny that we could look at those and think that they actually give a true impression of what life is like for that person.
It's the same thing with blogging isn't it? I mean it really makes me wonder. What are my photos and writings saying about me? What do people think I am about when they read my posts?
I have no idea, but I really am curious. I can tell you, that I try to write as honestly as possible since this blog is like a diary of sorts to me. And the straight writing helps me sort out my thoughts.
But no matter how honestly I write, there's no way I'm going to capture everything here. There's just not enough time, not enough words, and frankly there's life to be lived. Quite apart from that is the fact that when writing about situations involving others, there's usually a lot of censoring to protect relationships and respect other people's privacy.
So today as we start off 2010 with a fresh slate, let me introduce myself to you again.
Hi! I'm a former social butterfly hippie child, turned mother of 3 and career businesswoman.
I love my children dearly but they drive absolutely up a wall at times. At which point I am sure that my neighbours hear me screaming my head off sending people to timeout and whatnot.
I decided long ago that a happy home was worth more to me than a spotless one. (And I remind myself of that often these days. Especially when I walk into the boys' room).
I am flawed and imperfect, but I listen and I try to learn. I am blessed with a family who knows and understands my flaws and loves me anyway.
I cry at movies, and sad stories, and sad songs. Do not come crying to me telling me your sad story unless you've brought enough tissue for both of us. (Stoppit!)
If however, you're stuck on sad, and have decided you enjoy the attention that comes to you when you are there, and you just want company to perpetuate that attention, you're eventually going to find me missing when you come looking for me. (I believe that clinical depression is very real. I believe that it's disrespectful to those who truly do struggle with depression for you to wallow in indulgent "depression" without making an attempt to change your situation. I know people who struggle to make their lives better every day, railing against the monster that really is depression.)
I can be a big ole softie, but I have the heart of a lioness and will show no fear to stand up and protect those who are being trampled on. I do not tolerate injustice in my presence.
I believe that what goes around comes around, and that it's up to us to bring positive change to the world around us, even if that positive change is a tiny one that would go unnoticed by most people. (There is one who will see and will notice.) I believe that a genuine heartfelt smile can make the world a better place.
Here's to 2010, and to trying to live each day to the fullest. Here's to dusting yourself off when you fall, and picking yourself up to try again.
Here's to being the best me/you that we can!
Cheers!
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