We've had a great holiday. I worked most days either from home or from the office. And they spent a lot of time at camp with their friends, so it's not like we were in each others' space all the time.
But I feel like I'm going to miss them terribly. And I can't sleep thinking about it. I miss them already.
I think a really big part of it is that they're not happy to go back. I can't say that I blame them - they had a blast this vacation.
But more than that, I'm wondering if the school they're at is the right one for them. My oldest has a teacher that just doesn't seem to "get" the boys in her charge. When someone in the class is too rambunctious and can't seem to calm down - she keeps the entire class in at recess or lunch. Then complains that the kids are hyper (DUH woman! Let them blow off the steam outdoors!!!)
The younger one seems to be really unhappy just being at school. He's happy being at home in his own business. I haven't been taking him to the therapist since the first few visits after he was diagnosed with Aspergers. I really like his therapist, but something just doesn't seem to fit 100%. I know I need to talk to her, but I just haven't. I don't know how receptive she'll be to the conversation I want to have with her, so I've been avoiding her.
He really doesn't want to be back at that school, but I'm not sure he really wants to be back at ANY school. I am at a loss. I truly don't know what to do for him right now. Over the past few months he's been showing even more behaviours that make him stand out from the other kids.
For one thing, he's really obviously shadowing his words when he speaks. He will say something to you, and when he's finished it's like he begins to mouth it again soundlessly. As if he's double-checking the words or something. Then he's started repeating stuff over and over like a record, which I don't remember him doing before. Not like this. He'll go monotone and just repeat the one phrase over and over again. Like - "That's funny Ha Ha. That's funny Ha Ha. That's funny Ha Ha." Or in the middle of a conversation with a visiting friend, I'll realize he's quietly come to sit behind us and repeat "'House' is on right now. 'House' is on right now. 'House' is on right now." When I snap to it and gather what he's saying and let him know, it's ok I won't be watching House right now because we have company, he mutters "Good!" and disappears.
I'm going to be starting to write again for my Aspergers blog. It's been too long abandoned, and I need to record some of these happenings.
Like this morning when I think my heart broke a little bit, when I realized why he was sometimes reluctant to go to camp with his older brother. Turns out he's now of the age to join the group of boys his brother is a part of. And they are the usual silly slapstick way that 8 and 9 yr olds are. Except my son doesn't understand why they speak the way they do, when they play and put on mock voices and accents and make up words for kicks. So he tries to correct them and tell them that's not the way the words are pronounced. And they tell him to shut up. And they ignore him and leave him out of their play time.
I realize I can't save him from every experience like this. So telling the supervisors what's happening and asking them to sensitize the boys can't be the only answer. I want to be able to teach him to understand that this is all fun and games and perfectly normal. How do I do that? What's the right way???
And what happens in his class where his brother is around to at least give me some insight into what's happening so we can talk to him and help him?
I know he's going to be fine, and others just like him work it out fine. But that doesn't make it any easier on my heart.
They'll both be going back tomorrow, but there will be more than two hearts breaking when I drive away...
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