When did I Become my Mom?: November 2009

Monday, November 30, 2009

Remembering...

It's been one year since my firstborn was mauled by those Rottweillers. He was seven years old.

There is so much I want to say, but I can't find the words.

Instead I will republish my earlier post , where I retold the events of November 30th, 2008. And I will give thanks for the little boy with the big heart who inspired everyone he met that day.

My parents were here visiting for Thanksgiving. On the last day of their trip, they wanted to go visit friends and family, and my sons begged to go with them. Now I don't let my kids go anywhere without their dad or me to supervise. But these are their grandparents, and they'd look after them the same way I would. So I let them go. And then I got the call.

"Can you meet us at the hospital? G's been bitten by a dog."

"I'll be right there."

As I got ready, I thought of my headstrong little guy who I was sure wasn't paying attention and got himself in the path of the friends' little dogs who no doubt yapped at his ankle. Did he need a tetanus shot? I wonder if it needs stitches. On the 5 min drive over to the hospital, I got another call.

"Are you on your way? Ok, good. Now don't panic. Everything's under control. See you soon."

DON'T PANIC....

I heard it over and over in my head. DON'T panic means there's something to panic about. Something I hadn't thought about. How bad is that bite? Okay stay calm. He's at the hospital and he's with his grandparents. He's in good hands. Focus.

When I got to the hospital, my mother met me with my younger son, and directed my husband where to go. But she blocked me. She led me to a quiet side area and explained that she didn't think I should see him now. She explained that as they were leaving our friends' house, their two Rottweillers suddenly went from calm to "pack mode". They separated my son from the rest of the adults and they mauled him about the head and shoulders. "He's in a lot of pain and he needs stitches." Rottweillers? They had little lapdogs the last time I visited. Oh my God. I had this thing all wrong. I need to see my child.

I tried to go into the E.R. but I was met by my father and the nurse. I shouldn't go in. They're taking care of him. He's in a theatre being prepared for stitches now.

Let me tell you that not being able to see your child through a situation like this is indescribably painful. And it takes everything you have to stave off the madness you feel you're on the verge of. Hysteria is not going to help. I have to stay calm. And I have my newborn and my 5 yr old who witnessed the attack to be calm for.

It's going to be okay. He's in good hands.

There were wonderful people in the waiting room that day. A beautiful family who made me smile with their warm family banter and generous sense of humour. I wish I could remember their names. They will never know what it did to the pit of my stomach when they asked if I was the mother of the little boy who walked in here covered in blood. And how brave he was.

Everyone from the nurses to the visitors to the doctors told me how brave he was. He'd been attacked by two big dogs who were taller than him on their hind legs, and who took turns pushing at him with their front paws. One in front, one behind. Trying to push him down. As he explains it, he couldn't take it anymore, and he dropped to the ground and rolled into a ball. And they held on to his head....

He needed stitches to his scalp in a few places, and to his eyebrow. Some wounds were left unstitched to allow them to be aired out to aid the healing. Gashes and hanging skin were stitched. My beautiful little boy then thanked the nurses and doctors for the great job they did - he told them he knew they were trying to be gentle.

When I finally saw him, he looked at me and he said:

"I'm sorry Mom. I didn't mean to make you worry."

He never once complained for himself. His first thought was for others - praising them, comforting them. Even in the middle of what must have been tremendous pain for him, when he couldn't sleep and couldn't find a comfortable position to rest his head, he called for his grandfather. He had something to tell him.

When his grandfather emerged from that room he had tears in his eyes. My son told him that he needed to know it was not his fault. He said that he knew that he was blaming himself, but that he shouldn't. That those people should have had those dogs tied.

It wasn't my father's fault. Nor was it my mom's. But I know that they blame themselves every day. I know that they agonize over what they could have done differently. But the truth is that they were the angels on earth there to protect him that day. Somehow my mother, who's always suffered a tremendous phobia of dogs, managed to find the strength to dive in and cover my son completely with her body. She was willing to sacrifice herself for him. And without her... Well let's just say Thank God for her. They pushed at her with their paws and muzzles to try to get at him, but they couldn't move her.

She lives with the terror of that day, as does my father. I thank God daily that I was spared the sight of that. I live knowing that in a split-second, your entire life can be turned upside down. That each day is precious. And that your loved ones should always know how much they mean to you.

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Sunday, November 29, 2009

Sundays In My City - The Queen is here

The Queen of England is visiting these fine shores this weekend.

No really, she is.

Trinidad being a part of the Commonwealth formerly governed by the British crown, and hosting the current Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting 2009 (CHOGM), the Queen has graced us with her presence.

While I did not see the Queen, nor French President Sarkozy (no France is not part of the Commonwealth, but he's here to participate in climate talks), nor the several other Heads of State here, their presence was visible in other ways.

Security was high.

In the sky.

And on the ground

There was no traffic in the capital. Most people seemed to avoid the area completely, and there were few cars at all on the roadways surrounding the CHOGM event locations.

It's rare to see the Savannah so deserted. No pedestrians, no activity.

I was happy to see some old buildings get some sprucing up.

I really do wish I had more to show you, but these are best photos I could take from "the perimeter". :-)

Now head on over to Unknown Mami's for more Sundays in My City.

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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Bitter disappointment

I have this friend. Let's call her Natasha. We worked together and became fast friends. We both like to laugh, and have the same sense of humour. She's a little younger, and little more dramatic, and so much fun. We have children around the same age, and the families got so close, they actually thought they were cousins. :-) Which we thought so cute.

When she was pregnant with her last baby, she left the company, and went to a more high profile job. Of course we still remained friends - I was asked to be Godmother to her daughter. We talked on the phone.

And then we talked on the phone less. We'd plan to meet and then it would fall through. Worse... we'd plan to go somewhere. She'd bail. Then I'd hear that she was there anyway. With friends from her new job. No biggie. I really didn't think much of it at first. Until it started happening more and more.

And when I thought back, I realized there was kind of a trend. She'd never really lose track of her friends. But once she moved on from University, Job, whatever, the friends got left behind for the new friends she made at her new job.

To her credit, she made friends with really nice people. Many of whom I remain friends with today. Even though the initial connection that brought us together seems so fickle.

I just put it down to just getting caught up with the circumstances of life, and I put it down to personality. We would still talk from time to time. If we saw each other somewhere we'd talk for ages. No hard feelings. That's life.

Then last week, I got a call from a friend of mine who had become friends through me with this girl. Apparently, my friend had called Natasha about something, and during the course of the conversation, had been invited to bring her daughter over to a party at Natasha's daughter's school later that day. The girls had become very close and would have sleepovers and the like.

Close to party time, my friend kept calling Natasha only to find that she was no longer answering her phone. When she went by her house where they were to meet, no Natasha. And she never answered her phone for the rest of the day. Faced with an utterly devastated child, my friend shot off an email to Natasha telling her how disappointed her daughter was. She received a reply - that the plans weren't hard and fast and she never heard from them, so she didn't realize that the child had been expecting to go to the party. Huh?
Hurt and confused, my friend then called me.

I knew all too well what she meant. It had happened to me countless times. The plans. The urging - "Now don't set me up! We're on for this!" And then come time for the party or meeting or whatever, no answer. Once I even got as close as to be parked right outside her house, watching her car parked in the yard, and no answer on cell or on house phone. Needless to say I turned around and went back home with my lesson learnt.

But when it happened to me... I don't know. Somehow I was just able to put it behind me and hold no grudges. Now that it's happened to my forever friend that I've known since I was a little child.... it's taken hold of me. I feel a sadness and disappointment in my spirit. I think because this time it involved a child, it really really bothers me.

I explained to this friend that she shouldn't hold it against Natasha. I told her about experiences I had had, but that I thought that sometimes Natasha just didn't know how to say she'd gotten herself into a situation with conflicting plans. Or she didn't want to disappoint. All of which I believe.

I told her that she was still a sweet girl, and she didn't know how to say no, and would sometimes over-volunteer, and then hide from the ensuing confrontation. All of which I believe.

Don't I?

Monday, November 23, 2009

Monday's Muse - Moko Jumbies

When I was a child, I was exposed to a myriad of traditional local characters that were part of the culture of Carnival here. Born of circumstances where slaves mocked their "owners" and yet deeply associated with the idea of religion vs spiritual temptation, the masks and disguises of these characters could range from comical to downright frightening.

Some though, were simply mysterious. As if they hid some knowledge or awareness that we weren't privy to. Some secret cultural symbolism that we could sense, and observe in awe, but never truly be a part of.

One of these was the Moko Jumbie - the stilt-walkers. They were awesome - in a more literal sense of the word. They embodied Power and Grace - with their height and unexpectedly fluid movement, their size emphasized by the flowing garments they wore.

Of all the traditional characters, the Moko Jumbie is the only one popular enough to be in demand not only during the Carnival season, but year-round.

Moko Jumbies practicing in Cocorite, Trinidad

And now immortalized on children's educational television.

On Noggin

Today's Monday Muse - the evolution of the Moko Jumbie from feared symbols of "heathen" cultures to mainstream representation of the balance of Grace and Power.

his was my Monday Muse, hosted by Cinnamon and Honey. Check her out for more Monday Muses.

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Sunday, November 22, 2009

I reserve the right...

This blog has become very much like a diary for me. Truthfully though, many things don't make it into the blog. Especially when I'm annoyed. I'm one of those "don't speak in anger" people. Usually.

But not today.

As we speak, I have just escaped into my bedroom ready to vent.

I'm one of those people who doesn't call people before 10am or after 9pm unless I know you really well. I say Please and Thank you. I write thank you notes (or make thank you calls at any rate). I'm not overly obsessed with etiquette (Martha I aint), but I do think there's something to be said for showing some manners.

Read on dear readers.... and give me your words of advice. Am I over reacting? What would you do?

I live in a house converted to have 3 separate apartments. My apartment is on the bottom floor has a totally different entry way from everyone else which gives us a lot of privacy here, which I enjoy.

Or enjoyed.

The family who moved in above us this summer has 2 boys, about the same ages as my boys. And because I otherwise like them, and don't mind my boys playing with them, I refrain from asking them if they forgot their manners at home!

It drives me absolutely crazy when these kids just burst through my door while I'm in the middle of breakfast and take up residence chatting with the boys and pulling out toys without so much as a good morning, hello, may we....

Am I that old that those things are now old fashioned?

I don't think I'd mind so much if I were dressed, and ready for the day.

But today, if I'm honest, I'm not just annoyed, I'm pissed.

Because as I look at these children taking up residence in my house, and making a general mess where I've managed to keep mess free all week, I hear the distinctive sounds of furniture moving and cleaning happening upstairs. Sounds exactly like what I'd like to be doing myself. Except wait.... I have uninvited guests. Making a mess. In mine.

Just as I was getting the baby to sleep. Excuse me if I nurse at the table with my family, in my apartment. With my uncombed hair, still in my pajamas, laughing around the table with my family.

Listen to what I had that was interrupted. My boys presented me with this letter this morning at breakfast - a very belated birthday letter from my boys (my birthday was 2 mths ago)

"We love you and respect you, but this letter is about how much we care for you and love you.

We are wild and you mite [might] think we do not but we do we could not ask for you.

[heart]

We love you."

Enter whirlwind of children.

I feel so invaded.

So help me.

Tell me how you'd handle it.

Mothers who welcome the neighbourhood children into your homes and maintain sanity. What tips do you have for me?

These are good kids, and I like them generally. But it's hard to remember that at times like this. Oh and the last time I spoke to the mom and related how I turned around after using the bathroom and realized that her son was just outside the door looking in (I know. the horror.) I didn't see them for ages and I would hear her son banging on the door trying to get out - because she reverted to locking the doors to prevent them from running out. I don't want the poor kids to be locked away, but then again I am not fond of them just wandering into my house unannounced either!

HALP!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Flashback Friday -

My darling bloggy friends! I have missed you! It has been one cah-ray-zee week! CRAZY I tell you!

One of my former colleagues has teamed up with me and we're now working together doing all kinds of exciting stuff! So many things are happening, it's just too much to mention, but we are busy.

Best of all, we are happy.

We are able to be out of that awful place where we worked, and we feel that our hard work is helping others. AND we have time for our families!

I don't mean to harp on it and depress anyone that is in a job they don't really like, but trust me, if you knew the trials we've been through, you'd be glad for us.

In other news, the oldest boy is recovering from a terrible sinus and ear infection.

And....

the baby....

IS WALKING!

She just decided one day she was ready, and she's now racing around happily!

And you know what else? She talking! Well... most of it is still baby talk, but she's calling her favourite people!

Her brother...

[D] Addy...

Her aunties...

Notice anyone missing? Mmm hmm... No Mom yet.

That's ok. I put it down to her being so overjoyed when she sees me she forgets I have a name. My name is "oh that lady that makes me so happy, and hugs and kisses, and feeds and spoils me!"

Her face when she sees me.

That smile.

That's the best name in the world to me. :-)

And now your Flashback Friday clip:

Sesame Street PSA warning about Infomercials in the 2000s

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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

One in Eight

Growing up I had one friend who was born prematurely. She is such a sweetheart and I cannot imagine her not being around, just because she was born too early.

The fact is that one in eight babies is born prematurely in the United States. That number is surprisingly high to me. One in eight! That's one in every eight children you see that may have spent days... weeks... months... in the hospital at birth.

These babies have a higher risk of serious medical complications. According to the March of Dimes website, half of all neurological disabilities in children are related to premature birth.

Thankfully, as we make advances in medicine and technology, the odds are better for babies born prematurely today than in the past. Strangely though, the rate of premature births has actually risen pretty significantly between the 80's and 2006 - 36%!

I'm not sure why that might be, but that means that despite advances in medicine giving babies a better shot at going home healthy and whole, there are more babies at risk because the number of preemies is increasing!

This is where the charity March of Dimes comes in. I'm sure you know about them and their good work:

Raising funds that go toward research. Research that identifies why premature births occur, and consequently, what we can do to minimize the risk of premature labour and delivery.
Supporting families affected by premature birth.
Educating women about the signs of premature labour, and ways to reduce the risk of bringing on premature labour.

Infections/Inflammation. Studies suggest that premature labor is often triggered by the body's natural immune response to certain bacterial infections, such as those involving the genital and urinary tracts and fetal membranes. Even infections far away from the reproductive organs, such as periodontal disease, may contribute to premature delivery.

Please check out the March of Dimes Peristats website to see interesting statistics broken out by State, and more.

This post was written to bring awareness to the issues facing premature babies and their families. Given these odds, many of us are able to put faces to it. I am not affiliated with March of Dimes, nor was I asked to contribute this post. I volunteered to try to raise awareness, because in this day and age, mothers and babies should not still be casualties of pregnancy.

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Monday, November 16, 2009

Exam week

The boys have end of term tests going on this week (can't believe the Christmas holidays are almost here already!) So I've been pretty busy helping them study, or trying to...

Scenario One - Boy the older
Where is your test time table?
I can't find it. I must have left that book at school.
Well what tests are coming up this week?
Uhhhhh.... I think.... X and Y?
Ok you know what? Bring your Math book let's revise.
Ohhhh? Can't I just watch just one TV show? I'm hungry/tired/sick.....
Sigh....

Scenario Two - Boy the younger
Come on let's do some studying for your tests coming up.
Why? I don't need to study. I always get everything right.
Sadly... he's right. Hard to argue with that logic!

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Sunday, November 15, 2009

Sundays In My City - Something Different

I had this post all planned where I would show you some local fruits - on the tree and on the plate - and give you a little taste of Trinidad.

Sitting down to get it done though, my heart just wasn't in it. My head and heart are somewhere else right now. Every year at this time, I collect donations from co-workers and friends and neighbours. It's for a very worthy cause. The less fortunate in our community, with a special focus on children.

It started very simply - a friend was collecting non-monetary gifts to donate to the church to help the needy. She wasn't too happy with the "needy" who turned up (dressed better than she was, I might add).

I had this desire, as did others, to give something back, but what? I wanted to ensure that it reached the right target, not people who were taking advantage of the system, but those who truly had a need and were forgotten.

We talked about it, and the next thing I knew she told me she had been meeting with a State social worker who told her about families who really could do with the help. Families for whom State help A terminally-ill single mother of a teenager and young child. A family with 8 children who lived in a one-room house in the most rural of places, where sometimes the children just can't get to school. People who live where an ambulance can't even get to you in time when you unexpectedly go into labour. A family living in a structure of shored-up galvanized iron sheets, which was literally like living in an oven when the sun is overhead.

She started coordinating donations and deliveries close to Christmas. And she's been doing it for 3 years now. I am so proud of her. And I am so saddened that we turn a blind eye to people living on the fringe of society like this. When we turn a blind eye to children like this, what do we expect of them as they become adults?

We try to brighten the holidays for these children. Through kind donations she single-handedly purchases tons of gifts for them, and the food hampers she puts together always include a few special luxuries other than the regular staples. I always think, "But for the Grace of God, there go I..."

Sadly, I am sure that in your community there are families who could use your help as well. If you are able to, please help in whatever small way you can. Social support systems are different from country to country, and many of you will be able to easily connect with those who directly work with the needy.

For those who need suggestions, perhaps you could start with a nearby church.
Volunteer for a soup-kitchen day, giving of your time or donations.
Give the gift of Water to families in developing countries who lose loved ones every day to diseases communicated through contaminated water (thanks Stephanie for sharing this).

These are not beautiful pictures. But they are real. My sincere hope is that they touch your heart and move you to take some small action to help another family less fortunate than yours.

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Friday, November 13, 2009

Flashback Friday - Sesame Street... not for preschoolers?

Those of you who've been around since I started doing Flashback Friday will remember it got started in honor of the Sesame Street that WAS. The Sesame Street of the 70s that has morphed into this sugary fantasy of some boardroom exec that kids find too lame to watch. Sesame Street! Lame! Never would I have imagined I would hear little kids use those two words in a sentence describing this show that shaped so many of us.

Well I came across this article last night and learned that DVDs of the older Street episodes from the 70s come with the DVD Disclaimer: 'Sesame Street' Classics 'These early Sesame St episodes are intended for grownups and May Not Suit Needs of Today's Preschool Child'

May Not Suit the Needs of Today's Preschool Child.

How can they downplay their legacy, and the millions of fans who are adults now but became fans in preschool and throughout life. The lessons of Sesame Street were primarily for preschoolers of course, but there were life lessons that appealed to all age ranges as well!

What was it in the earlier episodes that was INTENDED for adults?
There's more to a book than its cover? (Look closer - Apple Tree)

How to make Peanut Butter?

I agree that there were things in the 70s programming that wouldn't measure up by today's standards, but then again we drove around with kids in the back of station wagons in those days... Things were different then.

But come on, classics live on forever...

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Thursday, November 12, 2009

Momma always said....

My Mom always told me the best punishment I could get was to grow up and have kids of my own.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a bad kid....in my early years. :-) Just kidding. I was never a bad kid, but my teenage years? I admit I was more than a handful.

In my defense, I had a lot going on. Absentee father, stepfather FAIL (twice), not to mention the fact that my mom and I are just two very different creatures. I was the social butterfly, very adventurous and always out and about. My mom was, and still is, pretty much a recluse. Which made for a LOT of clashes. So when she wished "little versions of [me]" on me, I thought Yeh! Bring it on!

When I was little, I was a really good kid. I was obedient and kind and I loved being helpful. What I didn't realize is just how precocious I was. I was a smart kid and I had to know lots. Which meant lots of exploring and asking lots of questions. Lots of questions.

I questioned everything. I couldn't just accept any old answer. Especially if I thought it was the wrong answer.

It's not that I remember these things vividly. It's that they come back to me as I look at my oldest boy. He. Is. Me. He is the sweetest, kind hearted little fella, with the wisest little soul. And he thinks he's the protector.

But he gives me a run for my money. I try to encourage him, but I also try to teach him how to be respectful in his debates, to look inward before looking out, assume nothing and to listen with more than his ears. He's so sure of himself he gets a little edge of arrogance that he's got to manage. That's going to be fun in about 5 years.... (someone really should design a sarcasm font...)

The other day my friend told me a quote she'd heard:

deciding to be a mother is deciding to let ur heart live outside of u for the rest of your life

I think that's the hardest part of this so-called "punishment". It's watching my mini-me go through the hurt and disappointment that we all go through. To look on as he makes his mistakes, or encounters life's jackasses... To share his heart through the pain... That's the hard part. But one I gladly accept.

I'm writing this as part of Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. It's not really on target for prompt #1, but hey... I'm a rebel, remember? You should definitely check her out. Maybe even write something? Come on - it's fun!

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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

So much to tell you!

I've been away for a few days, but I have been so busy with Little Miss and with the boys getting ready for end-of-term tests that I didn't make the time to post. I have been busy squeezing in some reading of your blogs, but I haven't always been able to comment. Everything should sort itself back out this week though! Since I have so many things I want to share with you, I thought I'd just let them tumble out here.

The Flu

The Flu is (hopefully) gone from my house. I say hopefully because M didn't want to do his swishing with salt water last week when he had a sore throat and I'm watching him closely just in case. Little Miss is all better now, save for a bit of a lingering cough when she's all excited. Her fever finally broke on Wednesday last, and she started eating again by Friday. She laughed her first hearty laughs and giggles on Sunday, and I had a ball tickling her and revelling in that laughter again!

But the proof she's back to her old self - she bit anyone who got in her way last night! Basically if she felt your presence was annoying her, she laid down a bite. And it wasn't just her brothers that got it! That child had the nerve to BITE ME AND PULL MY HAIR! Well I don't have to tell you that bedtime came immediately after that one...

Business

My regular readers will know that I recently started my own business, after being laid off in April. So I'm doing my IT consultancy, and that's fine for now. But I can't expect this contract to go on forever, and if I'm doing this, I'm making sure I have a solid base clientele. So, starting next week.... I have a new employee joining me! She has worked with me in the past, and she's a sweetheart. I've been chasing down some business opportunities and things look fairly promising (don't want to jinx anything). The opportunities are out there, but the timing.... Keep praying for me people!

Tentative Steps

I've only been blogging for about 3 months, so there's still lots I haven't told you about me (just you wait!) One of those things is that I'm not just a mom, I'm a step-mom. (La Belle Mere is now understanding my compassion to the step-mother role). I have 3 step-children that don't live with me, but they come visit. I don't talk about them on my blog, because I wouldn't feel comfortable without their mother's permission. The youngest was 2 when I first met him, and he's such a sweet kid. I potty trained him before I potty trained my own, and we've been pals for about 10 years now.

Early on he told his mom that he wished I was his mom, and I can only imagine that he did it in the most innocent way not intending any condemnation of his own mother. I will never know how much that must have hurt her, but I imagine it must feel a little bit like someone ripping your heart out. I've been ultra-careful not to cross any lines.

Sometime this year he was visiting, and we went out with the intention of buying me a new guitar (my first NEW guitar). There was no parking, so my husband was going to have to make a spin and come back for us. We went in together and we picked one out, and I taught him a little about them. And I thought nothing of it.

Fast forward some months to last Friday. His father tells me with a serious face that he got a call from the child's mother to say that there is something very specific he wants for his birthday. He wants a guitar. And lessons. From me.

And there's a part 2 to the request. He wants to spend Christmas with us for the first time ever.

I didn't expect it, but boy the tears came flooding. Apparently he's been talking about this since the day we went to the store, and he has his heart set on it. The fact that this came from his mom, with her blessing, was major for me. My heart is still full with the news, and I'm tearing up just telling you about it here.

Today is his birthday and I want to wish him a very very Happy Birthday, and to let him know just how much he is loved. :-)

Hugs sweetie.

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Friday, November 6, 2009

Flashback Friday - Heartthrobs :-)

And now folks, it's time for another Friday Flashback to the way things were.

Starting things off as always, an ode to the way Sesame Street USED to be!
This one really takes me back (and my daughter loves it!)

Letter B (The Beetles)

I miss Grover... he definitely brought the giggles...
but Kermit... now HIM I looooved. :-)
Grover the salesman

And switching gears totally... from one of my fave movies of all time...
The One That I Want (Grease)

Hope you enjoyed! See you next week for more flashbacks. :-)

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Thursday, November 5, 2009

Writer's Workshop - Wedded Bliss

My husband and I were married in a civil ceremony with a government official presiding.
It was not the way I had pictured getting married. I thought I would have the crowds of friends and family, although the thought of the expense was scary! But more importantly, I wanted to be married in the sight of God. I wanted my union blessed. I was raised with spirituality all around me, and it seemed so odd to not be married by a priest.

It was my choice though.

We talked about marriage but weren't making active plans, and then we found out we were expecting. We were thrilled. But I couldn't see myself, pregnant, walking down the aisle.

And after my son was born, I decided that I didn't want to be fat and walking down the aisle (I know... silly).

So we decided to make it official in a simple ceremony, and plan to renew our vows the way we wanted it. Time passed, and before we knew it our 5th anniversary approached, we couldn't believe that milestone had arrived. It didn't feel like 5 years. Where did the time go? What better time to do this?

We decided that simple was still the way that suited us best. We didn't have fanfare. We didn't have fuss.

We had the same easy, natural happiness that told us early on (too early for some) that this was it. And our ceremony was more of the same. Easy, relaxed, simple and full of love and laughter.

I think this picture says more than I ever could.

Inspired by prompt #2 of Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop

Okay Mama Kat, I took liberties with humorous, but I think joyful works just as well. :-p

Now it's your turn!

Choose a prompt, write your heart out, post it on your blog, then visit her to sign Mr. Linky.

The Prompts:

1.) Describe something you're proud of.
(inspired via Twitter by Summer from Le Musings Of Moi)

2.) Tell me your most humorous wedding experience
(inspired by Bree from Breezy Butterfly Creations)

3.) 10 reasons why you can't sleep at night
(inspired by Roxane from It Really Is All About Me)

4.) Describe an experience that you wish you could shake from your memory.

5.) Write a love letter to the object of your affection.

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Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Today

Today the birds sing just outside my door. The morning is bright and fresh and full of promise.

I watch over you, your sleep restful at last, your deep and easy breathing telling me that the worst is now past.

Today, I can begin to step back, no longer required to keep constant vigil.

Neglected responsibilities begin to drift into the focus of my mind's eye. Quietly, one by one, I acknowledge them... arranging them into an orderly row. Their time will come, though not just yet.

I am distracted by the return of your smile. Not enfeebled by medicines or pain, but the kind that lights you up from within. And with it comes your voice, happily recalling favourite playthings.

Today is a start, for although you are brave, a mother sees... you resting your head in fatigue after creeping two steps. Your spirit is willing, but your body... still so weak. A cough racks your body. My work is not yet done.

But I still hold in gratitude... Today.

By TwitterIcon.com

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Update and thanksgiving

I have spent so many hours at the hospital over the past few days... If I haven't commented on your blog, it's because I haven't consumed with all kinds of baby-get-better business. I have been able to sneak in some reads though, to pass long hours in waiting rooms while the child slept fitfully on me.

She had her IV access removed yesterday, and she's now on oral meds (which are making her almost as sick as the illness itself - she has vomiting and diarrhea and is totally zombied-out). Her fever still hasn't gone away completely and it worries me. But I know she's getting better, little by little.

I haven't been able to work, and when I don't work I don't get paid... So that's been a bit of a worry. But I have had Faith, because I've been down too many times and seen God's grace so many times that I just know everything is going to be fine. Today when I opened the mailbox - tax refund. :-) (Thank you God!)

I've seen His grace so many times this week. Like yesterday when I was so worried about the baby, I forgot I never even had anything to eat or drink all day. My husband had spent most of the day with me in the waiting room and had just left to go get the kids from school. That's when I realized how thirsty I was. And there wasn't a water-cooler, and the vending machine was broken, and I couldn't leave in case they called our name. So I made up my mind to wait it out. Then this baby came in with asthma and was rushed into the emergency room accompanied by her mother. Her uncle waited outside. It turns out that he is a hospital employee, and he'd go back to his office and then come back to check in on them periodically. On one of those trips he brought back a bottle of juice for me from the vending machine. He said he knew I'd been waiting a while and didn't know how much longer I might have to wait. God sends His angels!

I am thankful that all our medication and hospital care was free, our doctors were kind and knowledgeable and that I was able to spend the time with my sick child without having to hear about where Family should be in my list of priorities.

Mocha Meditation

It's been a rough week, with the baby so sick.
Sometimes the only me-time I would have is a tiny break to have a little green tea before I'm back and at it again.

I only make the green tea because my mom isn't here to make her famous hot chocolate.
I can make it myself, but it's so much better when mama makes it, isn't it?

Here's the recipe for the way I like it (she just leaves out the coffee):

Mocha Meditation
14 Ghiradelli (60% cocoa) chocolate chips
1 tbsp honey
Evaporated milk
Ginger (fresh)
½ tsp instant coffee

In a 10 oz mug, put 14 chocolate chips and just barely cover with honey (or to taste). Add just enough evaporated milk to cover the chocolate and honey. Grate 1/4 tsp ginger on top the mixture. Place mug into small pan of water and put on stove on medium heat. Watch it closely, this step is just to melt the chocolate. In a kettle, boil some water at the same time. As soon as the chocolate melts, take the mug out of the pan and stir the contents together until creamy. Top up the mug with hot water from the kettle and stir.

You’ve got yourself a lovely hot chocolate for the kids but for a delicious mocha, top with ¼ tsp instant coffee and give it a stir. Ta-da… comfort in a mug.

Enjoy.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

H1N1 aka Swine Flu

Left: IV access.

Right: IV access Fail.

I spent the day yesterday with my baby in the ER.

She came home from the daycare with a fever on Friday, and a little bit of a cough. Paracetamol seemed to work for the fever. But she woke up Saturday morning with a fever of 101, runny nose, cough, and three poopy pamper changes in 3 hrs.

Worse, paracetamol was no longer reducing the fever.

We were told to monitor her, and if she became listless or her breathing became shallow, to take her to the hospital immediately. Within a few hours she went from being an energetic 1yr old who had just taken her first steps the night before, to a cranky dull-eyed baby constantly nodding off to sleep. With a fever that would not go away. And she had stopped eating.

We went directly to the pediatric hospital, where they had triage set up to deal with the influx of suspected swine flu/H1N1 cases. We were quickly screened and sent into a separate waiting area where 3 other infants were also waiting to have a chest xray done. With other families being screened and discharged outside, I realized we considered one of the critical cases.

One little boy was getting an IV access put in and was screaming his little head off. One girl had seizures at home because her fever spiked too high. Without exception, those children who would normally be bouncing off the walls, were all sitting with their mothers, sleeping restlessly. For hours. Children under the age of 2.

We had a delay when the doctors changed shifts and made rounds. Then we came to the part I like to call the torture session.

All these sick babies were the ones screened to be admitted. Along with the obvious symptoms, they also had tonsillitis (hence the unwillingness to eat) and xrays were being done to confirm lung infections. Urine and blood samples were needed.

Have you ever thought about how you get a urine sample from a baby? They have to use a catheter. There's something not right about holding down your baby while she stares up at all the masked faces over her, not comprehending what's happening to her. And while I was relieved that they eventually didn't have to use a catheter with her, that relief is eclipsed by the sombre realization that terror made her lose control of her bladder.

Blood samples aren't any easier. Especially when they miss the vein on the initial attempt. And have to insert an IV access for the meds. Which, by the way, need to be given intravenously every 24 hrs for the next few days.

But having to listen to 3 infants undergoing the same treatment at the same time, I think that qualifies as torture. I know, I'm soft. But I had tears in my eyes for that little 6 month old, and the little girl with the seizures, and the non-english-speaking little son of an expat worker.

But I was angry too. Because while they are the ones suffering like this, there are adults who decide that their lives are too busy for them to take the proper precautions to prevent the spread of this disease.

When you choose not to cover your coughs and sneezes and keep your hands clean - you are being selfish.

Cough in your sleeve, carry tissue and hand sanitizer.

When you know that you are sick and you choose to interact as normal with the public - you are being selfish.

Keep yourself isolated until your symptoms have disappeared for at least 24 hrs. If you can't isolate yourself, practice good hygiene. Cough in your sleeve, carry tissue and hand sanitizer. and use them.

MEN! Acknowledge when you are sick. You are not being macho by insisting you are not really sick, you are being an ass. Your actions can cost a weaker person dearly. Selfish.

Don't wait for your wife/gf to say "I told you so you big jerk". Look at it this way - society needs you! Do it for the children! (Yes I am trying to appeal to your male ego. Is it working? Good.)

So what can you do to reduce the risk of your family getting it?

Wash your hands with soap or hand sanitizer regularly. As a rule, head straight to the sink as soon as you come home from being out in public. And obviously, after you cough or sneeze.
Keep your hands away from your face. Reduce the risk of getting the flu germs into your mouth and nose.
Boost your immunity with Vitamin C. Natural sources are most effective, but if you're going to take a Vitamin C tablet or supplement, make sure you take zinc to boost absorption as well.
Gargle once a day with salt water. This creates an inhospitable environment for any germs trying to proliferate in your throat. If you stop them here, they can't get to your lungs. For babies, just swab the inside of their mouths with salt water on a washcloth.