Boo! non-confrontational scaredy me...
It's not that I'm really scaredy, it's just that I think it would be really easy to come away with misunderstandings that would filter down to the kids and make them feel terrible. Or make the mom feel terrible. And that's not what I want at all...
So what is it that I want?
Well I want there to be that respect for the adults in the house. From my kids, and any of their visiting friends. I was raised to be polite to the parents first - Good morning! Hello! Thank you!
The younger neighbourboy used to just wander in silently and just. stand. there. You'd never even know he was there, or how long he was there. But we had a couple little chats about how I'd love to hear him say "Good morning!" when he comes in, and he does it so well and so cheerily now, that it really does make me smile, and I don't mind his visits. I do sometimes mind the HOURS of the visits, but we're getting there...
What irks me to no end though is when the older brother comes to stand just beyond my front door and sends the younger brother in to do his bidding. Which usually entails calling my oldest boy outside so that he can quietly ask him to go do something they both know I have forbidden.
What's with the sneakiness? You want to play with my kids, but you'll only approach them if the parents aren't around. You'll play with them, but only where YOU want to, even if it means they have to leave the friends and game their currently engaged in. What?! Where is this kid getting this?
Not a fan of sneakiness in children or adults, I positioned myself on the verge of their play the other day so I could hear better the whisperings of Neighbourboy. Imagine my surprise to hear:
- Trying to convince the younger kids to gang up on the little girl upstairs to not play with her because he doesn't like her. And yet, he plays with her all the time. But her younger sister - she's cool - you can play with her. I was so mad.
- Relentless non-step mocking of my oldest as he was practicing a new game of marbles his dad had taught all the kids to play the day before. (You STILL can't get that? You suck you know that? Oh and by the way, you suck.) Hey kid! Take a breath!
Job Description section 3A - Mommy will act as Cheerleader to encourage and motivate her brood.
Clearly this kid has some issues to sort out. And I really do feel bad for him. I don't think any of his actions are really motivated from a wicked place, but I do think that they need some attention. How exactly do you say that to a mom?
Hey! Your kid seems to be a little short on the manners and seems to be sorting through some self-esteem issues. Gonna work with him a little on that when he comes to visit, ok? Alrighty then! Nice flowers! Bye!
I have no idea how I'm going to eventually handle this one. But if they're going to be around, they're going to know what is acceptable and not in this house.
Any parents or teachers out there with advice on how to encourage more constructive behaviours and self-esteem in a kid like this? I could really do with the advice!
On a side note I have to tell you about Sakura Bloom's sample sale going on right now! These are limited quantity, seriously gorgeous, silk and linen baby slings, so they're bound to go fast. Perfect gift for mothers of little ones, and moms-to-be!
Nobody from Sakura Bloom has any idea I'm writing this - I've always admired their slings, and I found out about their sale from Stephanie at AdventuresInBabywearing.com.
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7 comments:
You are so kind-hearted to examine the "why" instead of just reacting to the behavior.
That being said, I think it's completely reasonable to voice your expectations for your own home.
Keep fighting the good fight. You're awesome.
I agree you should continue to approach the situation with compassion. Not every parent believes in teaching their kids social etiquette and telling someone that her kids lack manners is a bomb waiting to go off. I'd wait until an opportunity arises to address the problem...like if she asks you how your kids got to be so polite. It might be a long while.
p.s. I have an award for you today on my blog
I enjoy reading your posts and admire your patience. Nice to see people still care about good manners.
You are such a kind person to even be trying to find a way to help that boy. I'm the one who would avoid him and not let him play with my kids. You're nicer than me!
This is interesting situation, you might help the boy through your kids interaction with him. One never knows what is the true situation at home. I like section 3A ...
You are so lovely. You really take the time to understand the situation rather than simply acting out of frustration. Good for you.
That's one of the reasons that there is an award waiting for you on my blog.
:-)
I've had some problems with a friend's son for a long time now. He and my son have a love/hate relationship. And not that my son is perfect, but the other boy is really the one who is the "fickle" one in this friendship.
I won't get into the details, but my point was that I really had a hard time talking to the other mom about this.
I had no choice but to pull away from the friendship on all counts. Less plans with her family which also meant less play time for them together.
Finally, recently I had a talk with her about why I pulled back. I'm glad to say that once the first talk was behind me (us), it's been a lot better.
The other boy has issues with several children, not just my son and perhaps that made it easier to finally open up to her about it.
Does this boy have problems with other children as well?
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